Sinners Was Not What I Expected

Sinners. A film to be studied. As for a short time before my attedance to the theater to view this work, an Instagram post came across my feed about Chinese immigrants who entered the South and began their journeys through small businesses that catered to the local community. And because I love reading comment sections I found the one comment I was looking for. It read, "This was exmplified well in the movie Sinners". 

This comment increased curiousity in me, so when the next opportunity arrived I was off to the theater to see Sinners.

I'd only seen one preview prior, but that preview did not prepare me for what was getting ready to take place. 

Sinners, overall, is a mind-picking movie that will have you pondering southern history. From the energies of music to the gradually morphing lifestyles of post slavery, the Jesus church, and African spiritualism. Inspired by real events wrapped up in a beautifully filmed fiction, Sinners will take you on twists and turns you never would have imagined.

If you are overly fond of history, whether it be American history, history of the south, social history and changes, and even music history, you will find meaning, representation, and symbolism in each character that is presented in this film. 

I highly recommend you see Sinners at least once. If your eyes are open you will see all that you need to see.

Love,

Ren

I'm Back! And Currently Writing a New Book. But First - Death of a Unicorn

Death of a Unicorn was a whimsically beautiful and disturbingly thought-provoking film. I had never heard of it and was simply looking for a movie that started around the same time as my brother taking my young nephew to see Minecraft.

My niece and I attended this film together, snuggling into our recliner chairs and whispering all the way through the movie trying to predict what was a fairly predictable storyline.

But not always.

If you are a history buff like me, especially ancient history and art history, then you would have picked up on much symbolism and what the story was trying to convey about the wealthy, the father and daughter, the House servants and so on. I don't want to give too much away if you have not seen it.

And then there were the unicorns. They were gorgeous and mighty and represented connection to inner Spirit and the Source of life. While the CGI was less than Jurassic level it was still a well done movie from A24.

I highly recommend Death of a Unicorn and I can't wait to see it again.

Love,

Ren

Renaissance Marie Austin | A New Job Offer and a New Me | Life Transitions and What Doja Cat Said

You should know that I was THAT girl who believed I could never be gutsy enough to cut my hair all off. For those of you who are used to wearing short hair all the time, this is perhaps a style preference. 

For me, it is not and it is no secret I started the year with a strong intent to heal from all of my trauma. I have been doing well, working hard to stay focused and the blessings have been more than I could have imagined! That includes the new job offer I accepted which puts me in a transitional state again. 

Part of that transition is the lesson I learned just a couple of days ago when the high stress points of my head went haywire. I have always had issues with thinning and thickening at times, depending on my stress levels, which I try hard to balance due to a chemical imbalance. My gut urged me to just chop it all off and to my surprise I was ready, willing, and excited about this! 

My brother was not, and suggested I try to restore my hair but there was no saving it. The water out in the desert literally ruined my hair making it crunchy and dry. Much of it had snapped unevenly. I had already cut 3 inches off in June but still. 

Finally he got his clippers and began shaving, and what a feeling of freedom. With each pass the stress left me more and more. Then I chuckled and said I look like Nia Long. She's always been my girl crush. Lol. By the end I was looking at a person I never thought I would see and I felt amazing.

My most recent lesson during this transition is this: Life and death cannot dwell and function successfully together. My living body stressed out and yelled at me to pull the plug on hair that was on its death bed. I released to began renewal and restoration!  This is not just about hair though, right? I let go of the last 2 years, the desert and its bad water and dry wind. I closed a final chapter to make room for the start of a new one. For change, growth and preparation for what's to come. 

For me, the head chakra is the most important. Life and health should dwell there both physically and mentally.

After cutting my hair, I ran across a You Tube short of Doja Cat talking about why she shaved her hair off. What she said about the gym, the braids, the wig cap, the wig, the beanie, all of these efforts just to look nice while working out hit home. We as women, do so much sometimes to stay on point, while men do not have to do so much in regards to their hair. I sense that as the world continues to change and constructs are broken, more of us will continue to become free and empowered. I feel amazing and like a queen.

Love, Ren

My Goodness. How Long Has It Been? I am Back and I Have a Lot to Say!

Like my new photo? I am smiling these days. Where do I even begin? First, don't laugh at me. I forgot I even had this blog. I know, I know. Crazy right? Well, currently, at this juncture, I am finally in a position to start writing again. It's an important time of major transition and I am back at my brother's house on the couch. But before I even talk about that, let me talk about the events of the last 7 months of which I will take subject by subject, as there is so much to talk about and in detail!

Let's start with healing from trauma. By now, perhaps, most of you have read my life story. It's featured right here on my blog. It may need updating. Nonetheless, it clearly outlines the trauma I have experienced from the age of five until now. Things have turned for the better though, because enlightenment has come to me in the most interesting ways and just in the past months alone. 

It all began January 1, 2022 after a series of events that took place over the holidays. Let me explain. My sister lost her mother between Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2021. It was my first time spending the holidays with my her and niece as they had gone vegan because of me and over the course of the year we'd been spending time together, considering my sister was working from home and my niece was in the same position I was in, collecting aid from the state due to the pandemic. The three of us had been quite inseparable. They even added me to their podcast. The understanding was that when my sister's mom transitioned I would then move in and the three of us would continue on and thrive accordingly. That did not happen and it's all I am going to say about that. 

Want to know how to truly change your life and get a handle on your emotions and thoughts? Intention. There is more to the science of this intention of which I will write about in another post, but at the top of the year I made a very intentional decision to finally and fully heal from all the family and workplace trauma I had experienced over my life, and what happened over the holidays was the last straw for me. When I tell you I needed time, I NEEDED time. Time to process everything. I started with a 30 day hiatus from people and the world, to evaluate that particular situation as well as reflect on all that had happened to me. The good and bad.

It seems to me that if you are the type of person who strives to continuously improve from within, at some point in your life you will get to a place where letting go becomes uberly the most real it has ever been. Come January 1, 2022, I landed in that place. I was done with trying to hold on, feeling disappointed, angry, and being in denial about who and and what everyone truly was to me, both friends and family. I mean, I am telling you, I was tired. This was the finality of tired, of which I could not continue another year. Letting go meant that I was not going to cry or feel sad about what should or could have been. I was not going to allow past hurts to dictate my future plans or interactions with people crossing my path somewhere down the road. So, I got serious about my affirmations. I had been listening to them previously, but with distraction. This time, I set a goal of immersing myself deeply into my affirmations for 30 days giving them my full attention, and boy did I really see the power of energy, which is another subject I will talk specifically about another time. This goes to show that if there is no true intention behind something you are doing there may be no real results. I want to make sure I reiterate that I only saw a change in energy when I got focused, serious, and removed all distractions. 

Daily, upon waking up, throughout the hours, and during sleep, I played affirmations. I have very specific You Tube channels I follow because, again, energy is specialized. It is important that if you are going to involve yourself with affirmations and learn meditation you must first research hertz, sound frequency units, and have some knowledge of the ins and outs of meditation. You should know what you are doing. Fortunately, I learned sound frequency in music production in college and this knowledge was a gamechanger. Scientific data shows that sound frequencies biologically affect the human body in both positive and negative ways, which usually takes place through music consumption. Have you noticed how much sound baths, vibrations, calming and soothing music has grown in the past decade? You Tube has always been an outlet, but now we have apps and various tools to help positively charge our environments.  My goal was to raise my frequency by one, taking a break from listening to commercial music, including Billie's music. Lol. Yes, yall. I actually took a break from Billie. And two, taking in instrumental triumphant music in the mornings. This type of music made be feel mentally strong and victorious. I felt as though I could tackle the day with confidence and without worry. Thirdly, I consumed I AM affirmations I could either only listen to or repeat them out loud, although I found that most times it was best to just sit (I like standing) in silence and listen to the I AM affirmations. There is a time to repeat them, but I would say to listen to your gut on that one. Sometimes, we can distract ourselves by talking out loud. Another important factor about I AM affirmations is to make sure they match where you are mentally and spiritually at the given moment. You could write your own, but sometimes a person is not in the proper mental state to write their own while in the midst of healing. Besides, there are plenty of amazing I AM affirmations out there that will fit perfectly with where you are and take you to where you need to be. You need to search for what is right for you and create a playlist. I found that I AM affirmations gave me much focus in completing daily tasks, making me highly productive, and taking away feelings of frustration. Then finally, at night I would focus on deeper sub-bass frequencies that were soothing for sleeping. It is important to be mindful of the major and minor here. For me, I stuck with the major because it is lightweight and more positive, even at a lower hertz. Minor is usually sad and sultry. Great for a fire song, but not for the practice of healing. Truthfully, gaging various frequencies will help you become more aware of the energies that circulate throughout your system and the world. Look, if you are listening to a sound that makes you feel uneasy, find another sound that makes you feel good and stick with that one. Not everyone knows what they are doing and some people are purposely putting out dark frequencies because, well, we live in a world of dark and light and that's just the way it is. So, you will also learn how to differentiate between dark and light energies and hopefully operate in the light. One final note about my healing, is that instead of being sucked into the current state of world events, I wanted to be sucked out of all that was and still is happening. As an empath, I was overly affected by all that was going on and to save my mind it was important for me to literally rise above the fear and sensationalism of the world we live in. I will talk about this more later as this is a very detailed subject matter.

The affirmations had a positive affect on my daily life. I noticed how when I operated in peace and calm, I was treated differently. People waved at me and came up to me to tell me they noticed me and wanted to simply say hello. I smiled at people, made conversation, and focused on the current moment I was in. I noticed how blue the sky was and how pretty the clouds were. I people-watched and contemplated positively. I did not think ahead nor did I worry about the future. I kept up this practice daily without being deterred or shaken whatsoever. Then, fourteen days into January, something amazing happened. I received a text message from Support + Feed, the organization founded and started by Billie Eilish's mom, Maggie Baird. See, I had completely forgotten that I planted a seed sometime in October or early November when a text message went out calling for new volunteers. With no fear or expectation, I filled out a form and sent it off. Perhaps, it was two or three months that had gone by, but by January 16th, 2022, I was on a Zoom call hosted by Maggie Baird. Now I have already signed an NDA, so there's not much to share, really. I just want you guys to see what faith, harvest, and supernatural orchestration looks like. Now, this last statement is an essay within itself and I will be writing more about it later. For now, I confirm that I have been a Support + Feed volunteer since January 2022. A dream fulfilled. 

Let me conclude with this. We live and operate through circulating energy within and without. It is much deeper than you know. You and I have the ability to act and react according to energy. Not everything is in our control because we are here to experience lessons that help develop our spiritual being. We do not chose to be born nor do we choose the family we are born into. And don't get me wrong. There are some great families out there that have done right by their offspring for sure, but my story is my story and I am here to tell it. Hopefully, what I have to say will help someone. The letting go is just that. Whether someone is your blood relative or not, you have to let go of any and all strongholds no matter where they come from. If you do not, you can not move forward. I believe that my very intentional choice to heal and let go of what I believed my immediate family and friends should be to me, helped opened up the door to the this opportunity because I was engaged in a mental reset and preparing myself for the year's blessings. Keep in mind that even though I planted the seed, does not mean that I would have ever been contacted. I could have been completely ignored. It happens all the time. I believe it was meant for me to be contacted. I have now moved into a different phase of life because I chose to detach from what was keeping me stuck. Just know that the minute you become serious about healing, people act strangely funny. The truth is it was inside of them all along and they have always known the greatness inside of you hoping YOU will never know the greatness inside of you. Once you do, there is nothing they can do about it. Most of the family and friends you thought you knew will be long gone and you will be pushed into a new community of associates. 

Finally, I am excited to share more with you about all the happenings that have taken place over the past several months. I know I do not allow comments on this blog, but if anyone wants to privately share their thoughts about anything I write please feel free to email me at renaissance.cornela.austin@gmail.com.

Love, Ren

Billie Eilish "Your Power" | The Full Breakdown of Video and Lyrics

Welcome to my latest interpretation and commentary article! I am writing about non other than Billie Eilish's "Your Power" music video and song lyrics. It is my hope that I perform due diligence to her work because I respect and revere it grealty and it has been a personal help to me. So let's get into it!

Here is what I love about Billie and Finneas and the process by which they make music. Before "Your Power" even begins there is a component that sounds like someone sitting in a chair. It is obviously sound picked up by the studio microphone, but whatever it is I love the fact that it is a part of the song, because like with most songs, they just start. I get the feeling this elements is intentional and it says to me, "I need your attention". The visual I get is like that of a person stepping to a podium and tapping the mic to let the attendees know the program is getting ready to commence.  Ultimately, Billie wants my attention and while I initially do not know that "Your Power" is going to have a powerful message, by the end of the music video I know why she wants me to listen.

The song opens with the most beautiful guitar melody and strumming pattern which is allowed to breathe for some time before the vocals come in. It relaxes me when suddenly Billie enters on such a lovely pitich and phrase that stays with me the whole time. The song is accompanied by a landscape view of caramel colored mountains, ridges, and valleys. The mountains representing power, the climb to power, moving up in life, majesty, prominence, seeing things from a different viewpoint or perspective, and authority. The valleys representing lows, the starting place, and often times the dark and low periods of life. As the song continues, I am captivated by the scenery when suddenly Billie comes into focus as she sits on the side of the cliff of the mountain and it is exactly what it is, a "coming into focus" moment. It represents moments of realization, deep thoughts, revelations, introspection, and seeing things more clearly. The fact that she is sitting high up shows that she has not only been physically elevated, indicating the power she has received because of her career, but also consciously, meaning new revelations about past situations and interations with people both personally and professionally. Light has been shed on old information and new understanding has come. This brings emotional growth which is both hard to push through and freeing at the same time. 

During the pre-chorus we get the first glimpse of a large snake slithering across Billie, our character's lap. This snake also represents power, its actions, and the process by which it moves, very slow, steady and harmful over time. To look into this a little more I want to explain the nature of this kind of snake which may be a boa or python. They are called constricting snakes and when they find their prey they first attach themselves to them. A large snake moving in on its victim in the beginning does not seem as damaging, but as the snake continues, it coils around and around slowing restricting blood flow. The snakes knows how to detect if its prey is still breathing and with every heartbeat it squeezes tighter causing organs and the heart to receive less and less oxygen. The prey or victim eventually dies from suffocation, taking its last breath and when this happens the snake releases its hold. 

The visuals for the second chorus renders a lovely, widened view of Billie on the mountain overlooking the valley in front of her. The rocking back and forth is quite heart wrenching for me. I see in this character a person who has recently been awakened by the revelations of past situations and has come to a wise conclusion that power is being abused everywhere and in every way. There is disappointment and hurt within the body language of the torso doubling over as if being punched in the stomach. Pain lives there in that moment. Within the valley, I see this character's past, upbringing, situations, and interaction with people she knew or still may know. I see this valley as a dumping ground for all of those experiences and she is overlooking them from new and higher ground. I am a person who goes out to catch sunsets nearly everyday and spends time in mountainous areas. The higher you go the more you can see in totality. When standing at an intersection on a street I can only see the traffic lights and cars within my immediate view, but if go high up into a mountain and look out over the city, I can see all of the city lights for miles and miles. The viewpoint is more vast. The shots we get of the sky are very lovely, meant for beauty first, and is what you generally see whenever you drive to a look out and observe the beauty above, whether it be sunrises, sunsets, or a dreamy cloudy day. Sometimes there are no clouds, but typically this is what you find. I, myself, am from California as well, so I am familiar with this location where the video was shot. Continuing on though. Most people who habitually skygaze or stargaze are doing just that, looking up at the sky. In doing so there are energies of peace and hope that takes over the mind offering the feeling that everything will be okay. I believe that these clips of the heavenly clouds and sun indicate a glimmer of hope, or that there is still hope in the midst of, perhaps after abuse. 

During the second verse the snake, respresenting the actions of power, is becoming aggressive coiling itself around the victim more, moving up to the neck and wrapping itself around the throat. The lyrics, which I will address at the end, coincide with this visual perfectly. Here, we are talking about lies and deceit, someone claiming they didn't know something therefore not owning up to their part in the situation and placing the blame on someone else. This manipulation is now making the victim feel bound and unable to move or speak. But again, as I observe the third chorus I am taken to the heavelies again where there is a glimmer hope. This is the second reminder to not give up, but to push through and heal from past hurts. As the frames circle back down we get to our last line of the song that says, "...but power isn't pain" and with this lyric comes the visual of the character fully bound by the abuse of power and is completely paralyzed. From this point the camera zooms out just as it zoomed in in the beginning to bring me back to where I started. However, I should not be the same person as I was in the beginning. I should be a different person, of which I am. Billie the character is not even the same person as she was in the beginning. She goes from being free to being bound and what is crazy is the the "Mmm'ss" and "la la la la's" being sung at the end, ad libs usually associated with freedom and sunny days, shows that a person can be bound and not even know it. They can be bound and believe they are free. They can be bound and believe everything is all good until later they realize that they were being mistreated the whole time. Let's think very quickly. In the movies when a person is tied up to a chair being interrogated or tortured do they sing "mmms and la la las? No. They yell, scream, and call for help. I am moved as I just received a substantial message I can personally relate to and just as the zoom in was captivating, so is the zoom out when suddely there is a quick suction of breath and the picture goes black. Guys, that sudden breath is the last breath taken due to suffocation because of the abuse of power. In my final interpretation, the moral of the story is that those who abuse their power need to be shown what they are actually doing to people they prey on or victimize. While most abusers are self-centered and inward focused they are not aware that they are causing suffering, pain, hurt, and even physical, spiritual, or mental death, through the breaking of one's soul. 

Let's look at the lyrics (Genius Lyrics)

Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But havin' it's so strange

I am finding the chorus of "Your Power" to be quite conversational. I see two people who have grown in power talking to each other with one saying, "Hey, you know, try not to abuse your power because if you abuse it you can lose it if not handled with care". This is a full blown command, period. A pointing of one's finger to Billie herself and to everyone else in positions of power or those who will eventually gain power of their own. LISTEN TO THIS MESSAGE. In the line "You know we didn't choose to change" says that change just is. It is inevitable. We did not choose to go from powerless to powerful, but we did and now we have to be responsible with what we have. No matter what things always change whether you want them to or not. The last line is clear, "...but having it's so strange" Billie has always talked about how strange it is to be in the position she is in and I believe this line is fully reflective of how she feels.

[Verse 1]
She said you were a hero
You played the part
But you ruined her in a year
Don't act like it was hard
And you swear you didn't know (Didn't know)
No wonder why you didn't ask
She was sleepin' in your clothes (In your clothes)
But now she's got to get to class

In the first and second verses we get a sneak peak into some specifics on how power is misused within the context of a relationship. While I am sure Billie has pulled from personal experiences and the experiences of others, the main idea here is that manipulation of power has everything to do with diverse forms of relationships. There are always two or more parties involved. "She said you were a hero, you played the part" says a lot about how one party can be completely innocent and naive seeing something that really is not there. Heroes are saviors, they are good people with superhuman strength whose mission is to stop all the bad guys. The other party steps into the role of what the other person perceives them to be but really, it's a smoking mirror. When the smoke clears, the true colors of the person is revealed. "But now she's got to get to class" is a powerful line. This is an outright statement against underage relationships which have been taking place for decades. When I was 16 I had a boyfriend who was 20 whom I met dancing on Soul Train okay! lol. I will give no details of that time, but will say that the key thought here is "underaged". This is addressing situations where adults abuse children as well, both girls and boys. In the second verse the lines, "Does it keep you in control? For you to keep her in a cage?" immediately makes me think of caged animals and while I know there are highly ill people who keep individuals locked up in basements, cages, and vaults, psychological manipulation puts people in mental cages as well. It puts the heart and soul in a cage and they feel as though they can not get out. This is why it is difficult for many women to leave abusive relationships. 

[Pre-Chorus]
How dare you?
And how could you?
Will you only feel bad when they find out?
If you could take it all back
Would you?

[Chorus]
Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But havin' it's so strange

I thought that I was special
You made me feel
Like it was my fault, you were the devil
Lost your appeal
Does it keep you in control? (In control)
For you to keep her in a cage?
And you swear you didn't know (Didn't know)
You said you thought she was your age

[Pre-Chorus]
How dare you?
And how could you?
Will you only feel bad if it turns out
That they kill your contract?
Would you?

"How dare you? How could you?" Listen, if there is one person who can gently call out users, it is Billie Eilish. These two lines iterally are telling abusers they are scumbags, period! They put puppet masters in their place and if anyone is an abuser and gets approached with these questions they should feel convicted and then start the process of becoming less of an egotistical and power grabbing idiot. In both pre-choruses where the question is asked, "Will you only feel bad...", suggest secrecy and keeping things in the dark. If what was transpiring came to light a person's career, family, friends, their whole public life would be affected. Also, just about all manipulation and abuse of power is done undisclosed often times never to be revealed and this is why people commit suicided over the the untelling of souls. 

[Chorus]
Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But power isn't pain

The last line in this song, "But power isn't pain", is one of the most sturdy. When I really thought about this lyric I said to myself, when has the word 'power' ever come up in culture and conversation and people not think of it in a negative way? When has anyone thought of power positively? The final thought here is that just because someone has power does not mean they have to use it to cause pain to others. Power can be positive, useful, and helpful to others if managed properly and it is that simple. Power does NOT have to hurt anyone. 

Let's talk about the 22 seconds of silence. The video ends right at 4 minutes and there is 22 seconds of a black screen. Many are spectulating a few theories. I will let them have their theories. For me, I first understood something very simple, and guys, honestly, I mean seriously, it is not even that deep. The online world inundates us with an abundance of online advertisement. Most of us watch new videos on the YouTube platform and at the end of each video comes another video to click or advertisement immediately following. Billie does not want anything to distract you from the messege she has just given. There are no "next video to watch" ad overlaying her own. She knows she has just given a very strong message and visual and she wants you to take time to process it instead of being drawn to something else right away. I then thought about some of Billie's other self-directed films and recalled that she has always given a little space for processing with a few seconds of black screen, one being about 15 seconds. But why 22 seconds and not more or less? I decided to look into Biblical numbers, which I am not well versed in, to see if there was anything that made sense to me. By the way my assigned number is 44 and 444, but that is a whole different story. 

What is certain is this:

Video ends at exactly 4 minutes: 4

Black screen is exactly 22 seconds: 22

Diving into the number 22 I am getting references to Biblical kings who ruled in an unpopular fashion. They were not liked by the people. Words that stand out relating to my short research are authority, rulers, power, unpopular, tyranny, relationships, and spirtual development. Studying numbers can be very time consuming, so this is just a surface information. For all I know the end of "Your Power" contains 22 seconds just because it wants to. I would suggest looking to the theory of 22 seconds on your own and seeing what you come up with. 

Thank you so much for reading my article. I hope you found it informative, useful, and life-changing. I am a huge fan of Billie Eilish and if you would like to follow my fan page on Instagram just click the follow button at @billiexbrandy_vocalverse Adios!

Billie Eilish: The World's A Little Blurry is a Little Spectacular | Review and Commentary by Renaissance Marie Austin

Where do I began? I am not even sure how I want to approach the format for this article. In so many ways I feel the need to talk to Billie directly as if I am having a one on one coversation with her, but instead I will try to find a middle ground here. Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry presents so many thoughts and emotions from laughter and sadness, to intense introspection. It is evident that there was beyond an abundance of footage to examine for this film. What remained became the perfect ingredients to complete a full picture recipe that can be zoomed in upon, or zoomed out, and evaluated from multiple angles. Because there is so much to pull apart here you will indeed find a lengthy and sectioned article of which I am sure you will enjoy. Let's begin. 

Family

"My family is the reason I am the way I am" - Billie Eilish

And thus it is the family unit that makes us who we are because it is where we began before we are socialized by education and then by the world. I have said it before and I will say it again that I absolutely love Patrick and Maggie's parenting style as it is very similar to how my father raised my brother and I. I relate to instruments, books, and art supplies present throughout our home right at our fingertips for us to grab and learn whatever we wanted to at any given time. We were not home schooled, but their style of home life was the same in conjunction with systematic learning. My father was a chef in the navy for nine years so food, fishing, and cooking was a big part of our upbringing as well. He also never hindered our interests or who we were becoming as growing kids, but supported us. What I see at the foundation of Maggie and Patrick's parenting is freedom of choice and cultivation. While most parents give their children no freedom until they are legal adults, Patrick and Maggie gives Billie and Finneas freedom of choice from the very beginning. The idea is this: just because a person births a child does not mean they have to dictate who he or she will become. What I have personally observed is individuals engaging in marriage and family for all the wrong reasons. Men and women getting married just because most in their circle are married and they feel they are behind. They have children repeatedly to see who can have more kids than the other or to trap each other. Some are lonely and have no one to love so they have babies to fill that void. Others want someone or some situation to control so they boss their kids around just so that they feel powerful. There are so many scenarios and sadly none of these cultivate a bright future for the child. The O'Connells in my opinion have created a pro forma for all the world to see and I believe Child Development curriculum should take note because is it evident that the success acheived by Billie and Finneas at their ages (and fate plays a part but that's another story) is proven by their upbringing and the very intentional parenting choices made in the home. And sure, it's music, it's the industry, it's teen 'sensations' and I believe it to be true for those who came before them like Michael, Diana, Stevie Wonder, Brittany, Christina, Brandy, Monica, Aaliyah, Justin T. and Justin B, Rihanna, and so many more. There is an intentional cultivation that takes place within the family unit that allows all of them to become who they are eventually going to become no matter how diverse the individul parenting tactics are or the various roads taken to get them there.

Billie's Commandments

Here is what I love about Gen Z. They are vocal as hell and I am all for it. Billie is the epitome of Gen Z, but is a rare gem. She is the voice of her generation, but a unique voice that is all her own. Often times she is a teacher to her generation and other times she plays right along with them engaging in very Gen Z "things". In this documentary Billie checks the adults many times overs including her mom and proves that adults don't always know what they are doing. This is without a doubt my favorite Billie Eilish character trait because when I first "met" Billie I ran to my older friends who where in their late 50's and 60's telling them about how I discovered this amazing Gen Z artist who captivated me with the totality of her being. We discussed socializations based on our particular generation and the clich´es we were led to believe. As an artist I personally was told that I was doing too much and had my hand in too many baskets. As children we were told to respect our elders, "Do as I say and not as I do". We were told not to talk while grown folks were talking or were told to leave the room. Then we grew up and realized all the adults were fully flawed and often times worse than the innocent youth. Words of inspiration had come to me during the time I intensely watched Billie Eilish interviews and they read a little something like this:

"...And we were spoken to, told we must respect our elders, only to grow up and find they were flawed adults in the same instance we were innocent children" - Renaissance Marie Austin

Billie Eilish help me realized something major. I was lied to my whole life and I believed what people said and at the same time there was this little bug inside of me that got angry. I thought, people couldn't tell me what I could and could not do. However, that bug was not greater than the outside chatter. She was the first person I ever heard say that she would not be told she had to limit her artistic creation. If she wanted to direct, sing, dance, draw, write songs, produce music, create a fashion line, she would do it all and whenever she felt like it. A chord was struck and in that moment Billie re-confirmed and affirmed an internal belief system I always had as a young eighteen year old coming out of high school but was not fully aware of how to practice and execute that belief. Not Billie though. Without a doubt, at sixteen years old, she knew what was proper and would not settle for excuses from any of the adults aroud her. One of my favorite scenes in the film is when she chews out her mother and team on the bus in New York before arriving at the pop-up shop. The night before, the meet-and-greet was set up very badly and fully disorganized and she let them have and you know what, she was correct. There was not a word from her mother and the team could not say anything to negate her position. Throughout the entire documentary whenever Billie speaks she speaks with surety. There is something so prominent within her that makes all she believes solid and this is NOT typical for teenagers in general at all! She finally proved after some time that even though she is a teenager she was to be respected as a professional and listened to because at the end of the day her commandments, honesty, and demands would bring the entire empire to where it needed to be, and that meant success for everyone.

Teenage Love

Those who have never experienced love or loss are crying over Billie's hurt feelings and ready to demolish Q, a.k.a Brandon Adams, Billie's ex-boyfriend who plays a role in the documentary's love story. A couple of days after the doc's premiere he took to Instagram stories and posted that "there are two sides to every coin" and that he was dealing with the "loss of his brother" at the time. Shortly after posting he deleted them. No worries, the fandom got screenshots including myself. I know this story all to well and much like Billie I love deeply and passionately. She is a nurturer and caregiver and gravitates toward people who are troubled and need fixing. Same, and that's okay. But I have also been Q.

To make a long story short, at the age of fourteen I was sitting in geography class when I looked up one day and was immediate striken by a classmate who was standing on the other side of the room talking to our teacher. For a whole week I ranted and raved to my girls about how crazy I was about him. At the end of that week I approached him after class with my girls looking on and from there we exchanged numbers then dated for eight months. Funny thing is one day on the phone he opened up to me about how he thought I was beautiful the very first time he saw me and that was two years prior! I was completely shocked that I would suddenly fall in love with someone who had his eye on me the whole time and I did not even know he existed. He knew every single class we had together. I mean, if this was not a match made in heaven I don't know what it was. Unfortunately, two weeks into our Spring sememster my father suddenly died and two weeks after that I had lost my mind and broke up with him and had also started overlapping a liking for someone else. It happens. I was emotionally unstable. By the time we were seniors I realized the huge mistake I'd made and apologized to him in painting class but believe me the burden weighed on me for a couple of semesters because I could not find the right time to tell him I was sorry for what I did.

In the film we see one side of the story which is edited in such a way to make Billie Eilish fans hate the guy, but it is evident that they loved each other very much despite Billie saying that he didn't love her. I believe he did according to what he believed his expression of was love was at the time. It just so happened to be a bad time to try and love. Dealing with loss or even being unfaithful and perhaps dealing with other girls has everything to do with how mentally ready a person is. Billie was also rising and fast. Perhaps Q was jealous, or confused, or simply did not know how to handle the relationship, loss, and his own career all at once. Billie, who has never attended school would have dealt with this makeup to breakup side girls situation multiples times if she had, but it is a beautiful thing that, once again, she was solid in what she believed a relationship should be and it was not what it needed to be at the time. She also had the example of her parents and the loving environment she grew up in and may have had the expectation of that same aesthetic in her own relationship so at times you get that 'just be better and let's love each other' energy. Again, this is solely based on the scenes provided. There is so much more we have not seen. One thing is for sure, Billie in love is the most adorable thing ever and in the film it is insightful to see that while she is strong and bold in her career she is quite soft and submissive when she loves someone.

Triumphs and Victories

Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry is a masterpiece. Period. What we are observing is a young girl who is an old soul and knows one thing for sure: She is an artist and has always been since she was aware she was a person. Anyone heavily invested in the fandom has seen the video clips from when she was about nine years old directing her friends and making home movies. But as you watch the documentary you really do get a sense that while Billie KNOWS how to create art, she has no foresight into the huge star she is about to become. At one point in the movie she says she is "not going to make another album". Maybe she assumed she and Finneas would finish the record, put it out, it would do okay, she would be a local artist with a local following, and then still go work at Trader Joe's or Jamba Juice. Or perhaps there was an inkling in a tiny corner of her mind that she would become the star she dreamed of, but what we see is her mostly wanting her boyfriend and friend group in the midst of it all. At times you get the sense that she believes she is still creating music in a leisurely way as if she and Finneas are just brother and sister making music in his bedroom like they have always done, as if there is no label involved. As time passes we see that Billie finally comes to understand all that is going on in her life. Through the physical and emotional pain she is suffering she pushes on, through the good shows and the not so good shows. Also, during this span of time her team seems to be in a stage of just getting to know them as artists and the family in general. There are some agreeable moments and some not so agreeable. Let's just say we are happy "Xanny" was released shall we. 

Overall, for the Billie Eilish fandom, The World's a little Blurry completes many puzzles whose pieces were not yet in place. With more of the behind the scenes footage we received completion and closure to a lot of situationas we had only seen on the front end. For others who have been delaying their attachment to Billie's journey and persona they have been won over causing the When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go? album to rise back to the #1 position on the charts. By the time we get to The Grammys there is one vicotoy after another and after seeing the hours of hard work put in along the journey the awards are well deserved. You can not watch this film once. It is a repeat viewing event and while the world seemed blurry for Billie during this time in her life, her dreams were realized and made clear for all the world to see.